Growth can feel overwhelming. At least it can when we expect to grow in multiple domains at the same time. However, even working with one very complex domain can leave us feeling perpetually stuck; like we’re simply spinning our wheels.
I’ve definitely experienced this. And I’ve also recently experienced a breakthrough. This wasn’t down to one single moment, but a collection of insights, which I will try and distil here:
- First was an acknowledgement that I wanted to change. Or rather that I didn’t want to remain with the status quo. To paraphrase Anaïs Nin, the discomfort of not changing began to outweigh the discomfort that change inherently brings.
- The next vital step for me was having a support team. Not just people who had my back, but people who could guide me with confidence. I affectionately called them my sherpas.
- Third was actually sifting through my thoughts and clearly articulating the problem (or various elements of the problem). For me this involved writing a chronology of events, and daring to first imagine, and then crystalise through words, what I needed to enable change.
- The next step was probably the hardest; some tricky conversations with those around me to recalibrate the situation.
- Next, a willingness on my part to engage my subconscious and go deeper than mere conversations can allow. The experience was profound and gave me a head start on the next step…
- …changing the message. This involved being aware of, and then modifying, my inner voice. This step is ongoing, however I can honestly say that one can’t complete the preceding steps without transforming one’s self-talk in some way. It is the natural result of upsetting the status quo.
- The final insight is probably the most obvious, but also the hardest to see when we’re struggling; permission to trust the process, even when that process meanders through places we didn’t expect. It’s easy to be frustrated by this series of delays, some of which push us to the most extreme parts of ourselves. These delays feel like they’re taking us further from our desired destination, however they’re really preparing us for the changes ahead. Because to find the middle path, where wisdom usually resides, we have to be willing to explore the edges and layers that make up our psyche.
And from this understanding is one last realisation: that growth is, and should be, uneven. Anaïs Nin said it best:
“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”
Accepting this is a great way to ease the feelings of overwhelm and paralysis. Once they no longer impede us, we are well on our way to making tangible and measurable change.
Image credit: National Trust UK/Ross Hoddinott
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