Have you ever taken a problem to a friend or colleague and they have made it all about themselves; either because of their own experience (relevant or not) or their reaction to your experience? Based on concentric circles, Ring Theory (developed by Susan Silk) is a simple model for helping people to become better allies.Continue reading “Allyship and Ring Theory”
Category Archives: emotional intelligence
Understanding and befriending anxiety
The human brain loves to worry. Even those brains that aren’t particularly anxious are hardwired to worry, at least sometimes. Worry keeps us safe; so our brains relish the chance to scan the environment for threats, wrestle with a problem, and anticipate scenarios in a bid to avoid being blindsided. But of course, the humanContinue reading “Understanding and befriending anxiety”
Re-establishing connection after conflict
The road to relational repair can be a bumpy one. When we have behaved poorly, our bruised ego or sense of shame can hijack our accountability. When we have been wronged, it can be tricky to hold those we esteem to account, especially if we have unclear boundaries. Friendships and acquaintanceships can be particularly trickyContinue reading “Re-establishing connection after conflict”
Landmarks of emotion
I was recently introduced to a new model of stress/trauma response, known as the Landmarks of Emotion, developed by Kristy Arbon from Heartworks. This model defines six separate landmarks (or internal states): Landmark Do we act out of choice? Do we feel ready for action? Description Rest Yes No Feeling easeful and effortless. In thisContinue reading “Landmarks of emotion”
Value-strengths: your antidote to feeling helpless
After a series of experiments in the 1960s (outlined in the video below), father of positive psychology, Dr Martin Seligman discovered that humans and animals are capable of learning to be helpless. To paraphrase, learned helplessness is not trying to get out of a negative situation because the past has taught you that you are helpless against some external force.Continue reading “Value-strengths: your antidote to feeling helpless”
Emotional safety and boundaries
The human brain experiences unmet emotional needs in the same way it experiences unmet physical needs – with a rising sense of panic that our very safety is threatened. Evolutionarily speaking this makes sense; unmet emotional needs signal our separation from others, which is a huge threat to our ability to survive a hostile physicalContinue reading “Emotional safety and boundaries”
Anger: road-sign or road-block?
I’ve already written about emotions in general; however, I thought it would be useful to discuss anger in more detail. While positive emotions make us feel good (known as positive affect) and help us move towards pleasurable things, difficult emotions generally make us feel bad (negative affect) and usually lead to avoidance or withdrawal. AngerContinue reading “Anger: road-sign or road-block?”
A handy guide to navigating emotions
For many people the world of emotions is a terrifying place. The combination of unpredictability and intensity can make even the most emotionally-literate person feel helpless. If feeling your own and witnessing others’ emotions leaves you confused, then help is at hand. In a similar way to primary colours, primary (or basic) emotions form theContinue reading “A handy guide to navigating emotions”
This One Too 